As I was waiting for my friends to arrive at my favorite local  restaurant I enjoyed the warmth of the fireplace in the waiting area. Reflecting of the last twenty-four hours of my life and a severe reaction to an antibiotic I marveled at  how much I felt spent. I reflected I felt as weak as a popcorn fart. What? Where did that come from? Well if memory serves my correctly I was about 16 years old when I heard the phrase first. I was in the stock room when a truck driver come in to where I worked and ask for help unloading the truck. He mentioned he had a bout with the flu and said he “felt weak as a popcorn fart”.

So as I set there in the warm embrace of the fire I conjured up other such sayings I have heard over the years. So here it goes…..

“Barking up the wrong tree.”  Though varies meaning have applied to this phrase                                                              I believe the concept is as follows: dogs would be                                                                  used in hunting raccoons and sometimes they                                                                        would either track the scent to the wrong tree. As                                                                  they “barked up the wrong tree” the raccoon would                                                              escape. This lead to people using it when someone                                                               was off topic or they thought the other person was                                                               full goose bozo. But I dare to ask is it socially                                                                           acceptable to “bark up the right tree”?

“Sly as a fox”: This one was lost on me for two reasons. First off is the fact I had                                 never seen a fox before. Maybe, just maybe that is because they                                   are sly.It also maybe the hunt in  nighttime. Well my  round eyes                                 cannot see well in said night-time so that could be why I had not                                     seen one. Secondly growing up in the seventies (or should I say                                     living through the seventies since there is some debate if I have                                     grown up yet) a fox was an attractive female. So you can see                                            why that would confuse a teenage male such as myself.

“Piss up a rope”: To do expect the impossible or  a futile act. I heard this phrase                                       a lot during my years in the work force as in response to the                                           request ” I  want a raise”. There really is not much I can add to                                       this  one.

You might as well”  hold your breath till your blue in the face”: I really have                                                  never seen someones face turn blue while holding their                                                       breath. Red yes, blue no. So I would guess this also means a                                              big fat “no” to whatever was asked for. I see a bit of                                                               a negative pattern here. Ummm.

“Better late than never”:  This implies it is better to do something even if it is                                                           later than not at all. Here is an example that shows this                                                       may not be true. Man : ” Happy anniversary honey!”                                                           Wife: ” That was last week…….honey!” Ouch.

” Their working me like a dog”:  Early in the history of the domesticated pooch                                                                    there was an expectation that a would dog work.                                                                    They would hunting , herd livestock even pull                                                                       milk carts and other “beat of burden” types of                                                                         work.  To my dog this meaning nothing. The only                                                                 work he does is working the crowd when we take                                                                him to the park and licking himself “privately” in                                                                  public. Good thing he is so darn cute!

As the title implies there should be a Act II but with the way my life runs I wouldn’t hold my breath if was you.